Live it the way you want to. Let them judge you. Let the haters hate you. They can’t live your life for you or try to tell you how you should live it. Just do you, no regrets, do that, and you’ll be happy.
You kept those feelings to yourself, you sought shelter in your mind, thinking that no one would understand, and everyone would treat you like an outcast. You grew depressed and the place that you once called shelter slowly turned into the place that tormented you the most. People around you seemed so happy and confident with who they were, while you sat there with fake smiles while your heart cried inside. Your first crush, it was probably your best friend, you kept it to yourself, knowing that they wouldn’t ever see you the same way if you told them “I’m gay”. You kept that secret for so long, until you found that one person you could open up to, you told them everything, and they said “I still love you no matter what”, then that one person became two and suddenly you realized that there are people put there who understand, that you don’t have to suffer alone. Your confidence grows and suddenly you start to feel more comfortable with who you are, you realize that being gay/bi/lesbian is just a part of who you are. When people truly care about you, your sexual orientation doesn’t matter to them.
This post is for all those that went through suffering alone and made it to the other side, this post is for those of you that are still suffering, with time and patience, it gets better, you’re suffering but you’re never alone and someone out there understands your pain. Don’t force yourself, come out when you’re ready. This post is also for those of you that have lgbt friends and support them, thank you, thank you for providing us shelter, shelter from others and shelter from our own thoughts, if it wasn’t for you, then we would never be able to feel safe, we’d never be able to be ourselves.
I imagine you with these really cool guys, really handsome, and well, as for me, I’m just that, me. I’m average, nothing special. I imagine you with guys that can make your heart race and butterflies dance in your stomach, while I on the other hand, am not that great with my words and have an awkward sense of humor. I’m not your type, cool, handsome, and romantic, I’m just me.
I use this blog, to jot down my personal thoughts, my personal feelings. This blog in a way has become the person I can tell my secrets to.
Someday, I’d like to hear those words. When I get married, if I get married, I imagine someone saying that. Just like everyone else, I’m not perfect, a lot of things have happened in my past, things that make me who I am today. And the person I am today or will become tomorrow will always have those emotional and mental scars, the marks of joy and the cuts of pain, they’re forever a part of who I am. I can be very irrational, impatient, messed up in the head, easily annoyed, standoffish, and mean sometimes, but even through all of that, I’m trying to do the right thing. I’m a lot of work and a lot to handle sometimes, but someday, I’d like to meet that one person who won’t ever say “I give up on you.”, I want to meet that one person that can handle me at my worst, and at the end of the day still be able to say “I’m happy I met you and I’m glad I took a chance on you.”
We were separated by miles and I counted each step along the way, you said you’d meet me in the middle, but in the end you said things I never thought you’d say. We fell in love during the fall, but it wouldn’t last another season. You told me that we weren’t meant to be, that we were distanced for a reason. Not physically being with each other and the distance destroyed us from inside out. The mistrust and lack of faith is what filled us both with doubt. We promised that we’d make it, no matter how hard it got. We promised we’d make it, no matter how much we fought. We’ve become strangers and I find myself asking why you were sent to me. But sometimes deep down in my heart, I feel that we were meant to be. Maybe we’ll be together sometime in the future, when we’re closer, not apart. But until then, I’ll keep memories of you, living inside my heart.
I imagine you with these really cool guys, really handsome, and well, as for me, I’m just that, me. I’m average, nothing special. I imagine you with guys that can make your heart race and butterflies dance in your stomach, while I on the other hand, am not that great with my words and have an awkward sense of humor. I’m not your type, cool, handsome, and romantic, I’m just me.
We all know what happens when you do that…
